Another Home Experience leaving me with Crap in my Hair
Believe it or not, crap in my hair is a sign that everything is right in the L&K household. It means that we have the energy, inclination, and time to undertake home improvement projects. Or it means that we are running out of money and need to try and save as many dollars as feasibly possible to pull the basement out to its completion. Actually, it's the combination of the two.
As any regular reader of this blog knows, we've been undergoing the basement renovation project from hell for the past 12 (read that, 12!!!) months. The sad part is that we aren't done, though we are nearing completion. Everything continues to be more expensive than what I have budgeted for, so after receiving the quote of the windows, 3 windows (basement windows) @ about $650/each, not including installation, we decided we had to take some things into our own hands.
We had a couple of options. One was to buy cheaper windows. We got another two quotes, but in the end, the cost differential wasn't enough to truly make it worth putting crap into the house and risking the wrath of the Historic Preservation board. The other was that we manage the installation ourselves and save about $600-800. The windows will still run us almost $2K.
Today we undertook the first step of the do-it-yourself plan. Let me add a disclaimer. I'm clueless. I would never undertake this type of project, except under the tutelage of K. She coos to me and says it's easy and I'm resting my head on her shoulder in the morning. So we merrily trot down to the hardware store to purchase the needed materials to undertake the project.
All we had to do today was get good measurements of the window opening size. I realize that those of you in new homes are thinking, "How hard can it be?" All you do is measure the opening. Well, in a historic property, nothing is quite so simple. Even having the opening to measure wasn't easy. Two of the three window openings had no glass. The frames were rotted and falling out of the windows. We had the pleasure of ripping them down completely and having the shit sitting on top of them fall onto our heads. The falling debris consisted of bricks, brick dust, mortar dust, accumulated dirt, and any other small stones or whatnot that had collected on top of the wood throughout the years of neglect.
By the end of two hours or so of work, we had demolished all of the old frames and were able to take semi-accurate measurements. We're fairly convinced that we are capable of installing the new windows when they arrive. Though, we still have to call in the measurements for the actual order. Then it will take 4-6 weeks for the windows to be built and shipped. Finally, around Thanksgiving, we should have the new windows and be able to embark on the next phase of fun in attempting the installation. In the meantime, I crammed up foam insulation into the three open windows. Our house is without a boiler, due to the previous contractor mistakes made last March and we've been surviving through the use of space heaters to keep at least the dining room around 65 degrees.
The good news is that we are talking about and feel as if we are able to tackle these home improvement projects. The windows were the first on the list. We're also intending to re-hang and refinish the front basement door, seal and paint our two security gates, and strip and rebuild part of the front basement windows. We'll see how much we do complete. But in the meantime, we've scaled back the statement of work for the final phase of the basement to something smaller, and hopefully less expensive.
We both took tomorrow off. I have an endoscopy procedure scheduled as the result of stomach pain over the past few years. I'm not thrilled, but K gave me my choice of movie rentals today, and I have a line up of the Incredibles, Eulogy, and Closer to watch today and tomorrow. It's the movies that K doesn't like and usually complains about if I try to rent them. But she's pampering me. One interesting thing is that she thinks it will be very strange to see me lying on the hospital granny waiting for the IV shot and that she will be the one retreating to the waiting room. The new role of caretaker is one that she is not accustomed to playing, though she's excellent. Right now, she's making a giant pot of chicken soup for me.
I need to go shower and get the crap out of my hair.
Nothing Behind the Eyes
K has been struggling with the shortening days and the dark when she rises in the morning. Added to that difficulty, she's continuing to have problems with her job and found out today that the position that she had hoped to get had been cut in the budget process. She also is contending with my PMS, which is always a trying time for her.
Monday she didn't make it to the office. She was up and ready to go when the pump a porta-potty truck showed up at 6:30 am to pump the toilets at the construction site across the street. Whatever was going on with her, this flipped the switch. She went ballistic and actually went as far as to go out and yell at the truck operator. According to city regulation, commercial activities are not allowed to begin until 7 am. That outburst ruined K for the rest of the day. Before I left for my breakfast meeting, she had actually managed to crack a smile, but it was too much for her to make it in.
The frightening part for me was that I looked at K across the dining room table last night as we ate dinner. I couldn't see her in her eyes. They were blank as if whoever lived behind them had died. Usually, I use the lines on her face to gauge her level of pain, but this time the lines weren't telling the entire story. She told me that she had hidden herself to escape the pain. It probably also related to the 1.5 mg of xanax that she had taken to get through the day.
Fortunately, this morning things had improved again. K felt well enough to get to the office, where she was promptly told that her position had been cut in the budget. She's still not going to lose her job, but the permanent job that she had hoped for will probably not materialize. Her manager is going to fight for the positions, so there is some hope. By this evening, she did seem to be okay. She's upstairs watching a movie while I am trying to get a fire lit on a cold, wet night. The fireplace is winning the battle and the fire is barely hanging on.
I don't know what to think about K's job situation. It is a great disappointment that it appears is if a permanent position will not materialize as quickly as we had thought. K's been going through this reorg for 10 months and is fairly sick of it. It doesn't help that my office is also in the middle of reorganizing and despite my position being secure, it is no way clear where I will be working or what I will be doing in the near future.
Back to some happy news, I had a wonderful time in Germany. My German returned more easily than I had expected. I had the opportunity to visit with friends, relax, go hiking, visit a wine festival and not worry about any of the day to day things. When K picked me up from the airport, I didn't want to hear about the neighborhood or the basement. I wasn't ready. I think it took 36 hours before I was even willing to begin thinking about such things again.
My fire seems to be doing better. One reason for the fire is that we have no heat in our house. Our boiler was ruined by the basement boys in the spring and we are negotiating with the contractors for them to replace it. But in the meantime, our house is hovering around 60 degrees or so. The only saving grace is that the heating bill is going to be soooooo high this winter that any time we aren't using natural gas is good. Tomorrow, we are planning to go and purchase a second space heater of the larger variety.
I'm doing all right. I have my endoscopy scheduled on Monday. They are going to snake my stomach in hopes of finding whatever has been causing me intermittent stomach pain for the past 2 years. I'm assuming it is stress and nothing more serious. Hope I am right.
Nothing Behind the Eyes
K has been struggling with the shortening days and the dark when she rises in the morning. Added to that difficulty, she's continuing to have problems with her job and found out today that the position that she had hoped to get had been cut in the budget process. She also is contending with my PMS, which is always a trying time for her.
Monday she didn't make it to the office. She was up and ready to go when the pump a porta-potty truck showed up at 6:30 am to pump the toilets at the construction site across the street. Whatever was going on with her, this flipped the switch. She went ballistic and actually went as far as to go out and yell at the truck operator. According to city regulation, commercial activities are not allowed to begin until 7 am. That outburst ruined K for the rest of the day. Before I left for my breakfast meeting, she had actually managed to crack a smile, but it was too much for her to make it in.
The frightening part for me was that I looked at K across the dining room table last night as we ate dinner. I couldn't see her in her eyes. They were blank as if whoever lived behind them had died. Usually, I use the lines on her face to gauge her level of pain, but this time the lines weren't telling the entire story. She told me that she had hidden herself to escape the pain. It probably also related to the 1.5 mg of xanax that she had taken to get through the day.
Fortunately, this morning things had improved again. K felt well enough to get to the office, where she was promptly told that her position had been cut in the budget. She's still not going to lose her job, but the permanent job that she had hoped for will probably not materialize. Her manager is going to fight for the positions, so there is some hope. By this evening, she did seem to be okay. She's upstairs watching a movie while I am trying to get a fire lit on a cold, wet night. The fireplace is winning the battle and the fire is barely hanging on.
I don't know what to think about K's job situation. It is a great disappointment that it appears is if a permanent position will not materialize as quickly as we had thought. K's been going through this reorg for 10 months and is fairly sick of it. It doesn't help that my office is also in the middle of reorganizing and despite my position being secure, it is no way clear where I will be working or what I will be doing in the near future.
Back to some happy news, I had a wonderful time in Germany. My German returned more easily than I had expected. I had the opportunity to visit with friends, relax, go hiking, visit a wine festival and not worry about any of the day to day things. When K picked me up from the airport, I didn't want to hear about the neighborhood or the basement. I wasn't ready. I think it took 36 hours before I was even willing to begin thinking about such things again.
My fire seems to be doing better. One reason for the fire is that we have no heat in our house. Our boiler was ruined by the basement boys in the spring and we are negotiating with the contractors for them to replace it. But in the meantime, our house is hovering around 60 degrees or so. The only saving grace is that the heating bill is going to be soooooo high this winter that any time we aren't using natural gas is good. Tomorrow, we are planning to go and purchase a second space heater of the larger variety.
I'm doing all right. I have my endoscopy scheduled on Monday. They are going to snake my stomach in hopes of finding whatever has been causing me intermittent stomach pain for the past 2 years. I'm assuming it is stress and nothing more serious. Hope I am right.
What the F*ck is going on?
Okay--This may be a short post because I'm heading to a luncheon in 1/2 an hour and then going home to pack to head out to Germany. I won't be back in the States until the 21st. Things will probably be quiet on the blog during my trip.
Another friend of ours is dealing with serious mental illness. This is on top of the one who had the pyschotic break and the other who wished he was dead. This friend, we don't know very well. Not only is she having thoughts of suicide, though no plan; she isn't even able to access the health system to get help. K got very angry over the situation yesterday after reading about S's attempts to get help.
First, S is in her late 20's, had a law degree, and is currently looking for a job. Job searches are emotionally draining in the best of times. She's been looking for a position for about 4-6 months and having no luck, despite excellent credentials and resume. It's sapping her energy.
We were helping her work through some job stuff over the weekend, when she told us that's she's seriously depressed and has some suicidal thoughts. Naturally, we were very concerned. She's been seeing at therapist, who recommended that she go see a psychiatrist. Well, she has no money (due to lack of a job) and her health care will only cover the visit, if she's diagnosed with something severe.
Our thought was to suggest seeing an internist, in hopes that they would prescribe anti-depressants. S could then find a psychiatrist. We suggested that she make an appointment with K's internist, who is excellent. K's internist is so good that she is not taking any new patients. Meanwhile, S made an appointment with urgent care to try and get immediate assistance.
The resident doctor in urgent care listened to her for 50 minutes, which is great. She then got the attending physician. The attending told S that she needs to see a psychiatrist. Duh! The attending had no solution to the fact that S couldn't afford to pay a psychiatrist. It also sounded as if the attending would not prescribe any meds.
What do you do? S can't afford to pay and she also can no longer afford to see her therapist. This is someone, who is well-educated and cannot navigate the system to get help. What does someone do without those resources?
K and I came up with a list of possible solutions:
1. Pay for the treatment on a credit card (don't know if it's a possibility)
2. Emergency room--but what's to say that they won't hospitalize her due to the suicidal thoughts?
3. City services--don't know if there is anything or if S is willing to go that route
4. Contact DBSA for suggestions
K and I discussed paying for S to go to the psychiatrist, but we can't finance S's health care, even if she would accept. S is working temp work and is interviewing for other positions. K's treatments alone cost us about $500 out of pocket every month.
It's a miserable situation. If you have any ideas, please comment.
I guess I also don't understand why so many of our friends seem to be struggling this year. We met all of them independently and they don't seem to have any common elements other than mental illness. It's hard to see people in such pain.
Better Days Have Returned
After my post last week, K did make it in the office on Thursday and Friday. Saturday, she promptly slept until 1 pm again. But in the end, we had a busy and productive weekend.
While, I'm gone, K's going to have to handle a few things. She's already working on having the tires on the car replaced. I've known for some time that we needed new ones, but I wasn't able to deal with the logistics. Then, we got a flat tire, and suddenly no longer even had a spare. Yesterday, K took the initiative and went to a garage around the corner. Actually, it's an auto sales hut with rudimentary garage facilities. He repaired our spare and removed three, yes three!, nails. There's been a number of contractors parking in our alley and they are careless with their nails and screws.
As it turns out, K can purchase the tires online and have them shipped to the garage. They will mount and balance them for $15/tire. In all it works out to be a savings of $200 over what we would have paid to go to Goodyear. Additionally, I don't have to do anything or wait for the car to be serviced. Needless to say, I'm very pleased.
A few weeks ago, I was elected to the Vice President position in our neighborhood association. The neighborhood association is not a homeowner's association. It is not mandatory and it is a place to bring the residents together to work towards solutions of common problems. The big annual outreach event occurs during the week I'm in Germany. I spent part of the weekend putting together flyers and a program. K will have to finalize that material after I leave.
I know that K will miss me while I'm gone for a week. But she's handling more of the chores around the house and fully able to deal with the neighborhood work. Despite missing me and wanting to come, there's no fear in her eyes at the thought of my absence. She plans to get up and go to work every day, just as she does when I am at home.
I am starting to get excited about my trip. I've been doing a lot of preparation and running around. After the doctor this afternoon, we are going to the AAA travel store to pickup plug adaptors for my cell phone and iPod. Yes, I have to visit the GI Specialist in an hour. K finally convinced me that I had to take the pain in my stomach seriously rather than writing it off to stress. Naturally, my stomach hasn't hurt in several weeks, so it will be difficult to describe the pain.
Things are good.
Days that are not so good
Despite everything I write about K being healthy, and much of the time she is, there are days that are not as good. I hesitate to say bad, because bad is a relative term. The days that aren't as good are still significantly better than bad days one or two years ago.
Regardless of label, K's been going through her standard two days a month, when she doesn't mentally feel well. I'm including an e-mail that she wrote to her therapist yesterday afternoon. Her therapist responded saying that this is the time of the month when K struggles.
The mornings have been a struggle. I have made it to the office both yesterday and today but the fight has been tough. It was even tougher this morning because I woke up in the middle of the night ripped from a nightmare about suicide. Once I woke up I felt like committing suicide. I could see myself going through the steps and really thought it was real and that I would do it. I was an observer of sorts. Needless to say this scared the hell out of me. I really was afraid of what I might do in that "not quite awake" state. Upon fully waking I took half a xanax so that I could calm down and sleep. Last night was rare in that I was exhausted and didn't take a sleeping pill. I fell asleep very fast. Anyway the memories of it were strong this morning. I used my sunlamp and fought the good fight and made it in. I felt very snappish this morning fighting the bad stuff and that is something that I have to use a lot of energy controlling when I am weakened. This afternoon I am very tired (time to go home) and I am having to deal with frustration by clamping down on my emotions. Work has been fine all day and I don't see that as a stressor this week.
I guess my anger/frustration/irritability is the problem when I am tired. It really bothers me and I keep most of it inside---some of it seeps out though and splashes on L.
Well, how's that for an update?
K didn't make it to the office this morning, but she believes she'll be there tomorrow. The cause for celebration is that this is the first day she's missed in a month.
I'm okay with it. Sometimes I react badly when she struggles, but I'm working on my emotions. I see this as a bad day and that she'll be okay by the time I make it home tonight.
