12.31.2007

New Year

I'm realizing that it has been almost a year since I've written anything in this space. That's a good thing. I have come to realize that I use this space when things spiral beyond my control and I need to have some type of outlet for the feelings, frustration, anger, and fear that I can't/don't share with others. I don't share those feelings for fear of scaring people away from K. But there have been minimal reason to feel that way.

We walked down to Starbucks this afternoon and sat outside drinking our mocha and gingerbread lattes laced with an extra shot of caffeine. As we sat there, our conversation turned towards a discussion of the year 2007. We both agreed that it has been a good year. Professionally, both of us have made strides in our fields. Personally, we've continued to be very happy together, disgustingly happy. We spent a lot of time traveling this summer, too much time. By mid-October, we were both ready to stay home and not move off the home front for months, which is what we did until Christmas. Well, I had a couple of work trips, but nothing too stressful.

There were no nasty surprises on the health front, well there was one. K continued to improve. This past spring, the psychiatrist moved her off the Paxil and on to Zoloft to help her facilitate weight loss. She took the move very well with only one or two bad days. Only problem with the Zoloft is the accompanying nausea that she has every time she takes her dose. As for the weight loss, K finally became serious about doing something about two months ago and went to see a nutritionist. Since then she's lost about ten pounds and intends on losing much more. After talking to the nutritionist, K began to increase her level of physical activity and walk much more. I've always been a big walker and enjoy it, but K never would go with me. She always complained about pain in her feet. Well, we went to get her fitted for new athletic shoes and discovered that she had been wearing shoes 1.5 sizes too small. She had always purchased a size 7.5, so she never thought that her foot size might have changed. She's now wearing a 9 and not complaining about foot pain. K's interest in increasing physical activity came from a bit of a shock that she is pre-diabetic or diabetic. The doctors haven't fully decided. At this point, they have agreed to back off on medication and give K an opportunity to control it through weight loss and exercise. Her blood sugar will be checked again in two months to see if she's made the necessary changes.

My health has been mostly good, except for the flaring GI problems. They have been ongoing for me over the past few years and surfaced again. I have a great doctor, but unfortunately, she doesn't take insurance. A 30 minute visit runs $250, which my insurance covers about half. Good part is that she is always accessible and willing to work quickly to solve my problems. The main problem seems to be a combination of acid reflux and gastric paresis. Gastric paresis means that my stomach doesn't process food. So I'm on a medication that activities my stomach muscles to send food to the intestines. The one that I can tolerate isn't sold in the US, so I have to have the prescription faxed to a Canadian pharmacy and then shipped to me. But my stomach pain is completely gone using that medication.

The biggest surprise about K's illness is that it never entirely recedes to the back of our consciousness. She is always vigilant to ensure that she doesn't get overtired or overstimulated. Schedule is paramount. Whenever we travel, she needs a minimum of one day to recover from even the shortest trip. While she's doing great, it's never not there. Our families don't understand or realize this vigilance. They are surprised when she's unable to do something because of the illness or she's unwilling to push her limits. We don't talk to them about the day-to-day management, and they don't realize the far reaching impact of the bipolar.

Tonight we are off to celebrate the incoming New Year. We're heading to a friend's party and then moving on to a Chuck Brown show. We're the guests of our councilman. It should be an experience. I haven't decided what one wears to a go go show. I guess I'll be plundering the closet for the right outfit in a couple of hours.

Happy New Year to everyone, if everyone hasn't given up on me. Here's to a wonderful 2008!

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