As the light fades . . .

The longer K has bipolar, the easier it becomes to see the cyclical nature of it. Now, as we head into fall and the shorter days, she's already struggling more in the mornings in order to able to get out bed and make it to work. A couple of weeks ago, she began using the sun lamp in the morning. A few days ago, she upped the lithium by 25% in hopes of feeling better.

The lithium increase is not only linked to the shorter days. About six months ago, we began to go to a personal trainer and K upped her level of physical activity. The result is that her body seems to metabolize the lithium more quickly, so she needs a slightly higher dose. At least, we're hoping that some of the dips in her mood will be stabilized by the increase.

Recently, I haven't been the easiest to live with. My job stress and insecurities seem to be reaching all time highs. The insecurities appear to be unfounded. No one tells me that I am doing a bad job, but I still feel that I am constantly ready to drop something. Good news is that I leave the office every night between 5:30 and 6 pm and I begin each day at 7:30 am. It isn't the hours, but I don't have a free moment throughout the day. I no longer am able to even hold a five minute personal conversation, because I get pulled away to deal with something. The stress is very high, not only for me, but my co-worker as well. Both of us are beginning the discussion about finding another job. For political reasons, I probably have to stay where I am for another four months, but that may change. Meanwhile, I drive K nuts by agonizing over the situation.

We are also looking into doing work on the house. The structural engineer came this week and told us that our house is solid enough to support a green roof. A green roof requires that soil and plants are on our roof to capture rainwater and better insulate the house. A much costlier approach towards our roof than a traditional roof, but K is very much in favor of it. We also need many other expensive repairs. K tried to warn me the dangers of buying a house about 130-150 years old. What we didn't realize is how little maintenance had occurred. Also, things like plaster have a 100 year life span and now it is literally at the breaking point.

My mom is in town next week. We've been slowly cleaning the house to prepare for her arrival. But we have more to do today. I also want to hit the farmer's market this morning to purchase our fruits and veggies for the week. We have been going to the farmer's market the past few weeks and I really enjoy. The only catch is that we have to make the time to do it.

The other thing going on is that my term as vice president of the neighborhood is coming to an end. There have been offers to sponsor my run for president. I'm tempted. The current president is excellent in some areas, but he's not good about running the meetings and keeping people engaged. Likewise, he doesn't share information. I barely know what's happening at times. I could do a much better job of being inclusive. But I don't want to commit to at least a couple meetings a week, especially with my current job situation. I was almost sucked in the other day.

K and I are doing more again and going out during the week. Political fundraiser tomorrow night, which should be interesting. I haven't met Eleanor Holmes Norton yet. Things like that are keeping us busy.

Things are good, though I need to bring my stress under control.


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