synergy

Evening out. . . maybe

After my last post, I thought I ought to update that things are going better. First, I really wanted to go to Germany and I'm thrilled to be going. My waffling on the trip was more due to how it fit into the schedule and whether it would be a problem to leave K for a week. We talked about it before I bought my ticket and realized that it should be fine. Now I have my ticket and trip insurance in case antyhing should happen.

My concern about K stemmed from her job situation. She should be finding out around the end of September whether she will be hired permanently into the office where she's working. If she is dumped back into the temporary assignments, I was worried she wouldn't handle it well, thus I would not be able to go out of town for a week. She's convinced me that she'll handle it either way and she's already thinking things through. Once I was convinced that she would be all right regardless of the job outcome, it made my decision to travel much easier.

Today, K left to go on her business trip. Her entire organization (even the people they have told to find jobs elsewhere, though no one is being fired) is going on a retreat together. She's been dreading this retreat for the past 8 weeks, so it's a relief to finally have it arrive. I think that she'll do fine, although I would have thought differently 8 weeks ago. I'm believing that she'll be okay and that she's able to roll with the punches again rather than getting knocked out each time. As she puts it, she has her tool kit of medications, xanax, ambien, and trileptal. She has routines to calm herself down and ground herself, if necessary. Her coping abilities and self-analysis abilities have been vastly improved with help of her counselor.

Each of these things is convincing me that I can let go and she can swim on her own. [This post is becoming cliche central.] After seeing K struggle for so long, it has been difficult for me to truly believe that she's well, but it appears to be the case. The bipolar shows up occasionally, but her coping skills have returned and she doesn't immediately panic. Of course, I may need someone to remind me of this when she has a bout of PMS, but when I look at the long term, she's doing fine.

Now, I'll start the work on myself and releasing the built-up stress, tension, and anxiety.

posted by synergy @ 10:41 AM