Rough Ride Ahead
It's going to be a difficult weekend. K's reacting very badly to news that she's been placed in a "developmental" division to give her an opportunity to work on her leadership and problem solving skills. I have to agree that I would be furious, embarrassed, hurt, and ashamed. She's all of the above at extreme levels.I believe that she has effective leadership and problem solving skills, but she hasn't been focused on her job. For the past 2.5 years, survival has been her highest priority, and I would like to think that I have been her second highest priority. Her job has been a distant third. Also, for K, those two skill sets are the most disrupted by her bipolar disorder. Regardless of what the reason is, she's struggling with what she sees as a confirmation that she is bad.
I'm trying to ride out the wave. I'm hoping that once she reaches acceptance of what happens, then she'll be able to go ahead and focus on whatever assignment they give her to develop those skills. I've seen these cycles before. Previously, I would challenge every negative assertion she made, but I don't have the energy. Nor do I believe it helps. Now, I only challenge the ones which are absolutely ridiculous. The rest of the time I try to hold her and let her rant to get the anger out of her system.
In addition to the anger, it seems as if she is trying to punish herself by not taking either xanex or ambien. Of course, those meds don't solve the problem, but they do provide a mental buffer to keep the pain away. Finally, last night I was awoken at 2 am by the sound of her crying in anger and frustration. It turned out that she hadn't taken anything and had been miserable for 4 hours. I woke up enough to convince her to take some xanex, which put her to sleep in a few minutes. Then I ended up being awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night.
K has an appointment with her therapist this morning. I'm hoping that her therapist, who is wonderful, will be able to calm her somewhat and offer some perspective. I started out the morning by working off stress in the gym.
Yesterday, as we were picking up Greek take-out for dinner, I ran into my personal trainer, who I haven't seen in about a year. The best part was listening him tell me that he doesn't have time to work out and hearing him order french fries. But, seeing him made me realize that his help and routines are what kept me sane and off anti-depressants throughout the worst bouts of K's illness. I should have said thank you. Next time I see him, I will.
posted by synergy @ 9:01 AM
2 Comments:
Thanks for the support.
K's feeling better after a visit with her therapist earlier today. She channeled her anger into yard work. Her therapist thought that K's management chose those two skills because they are the most subjective and difficult to define. She's pretty pissed over K's treatment at the office.
I'm still not sure how K will react on Monday, but it looks as if the weekend will be okay.
We're heading out for a nice dinner in a few minutes and then briefly to a party.
I can certainly identify with K's frustration. Several years ago toward the end of my career with Mobil Oil I began having trouble focusing on my work as my job descrption was changed during threat of a reductiono in force. I remember the message I was receiving was I was not doing a good job. I hhad always been a top performeor and my confidence dwindled to nothing. I was destroyed and had trouble staying stable. I fought the hard fight but I didn't win. I early retired == the BP was too strong. Here's hoping K with your support will be able to excel in her job performance and eveerything will go her way. She is lucky to have you and your support. Wishing you both the best Michele
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