Catch up

I know that I have been bad about blogging lately. Last week was insanely busy. I was gone most of the time, and by the time I returned home on Sunday afternoon, I was exhausted. Monday, I took off to recover, but I have still had to drag myself through the rest of the week. Finally, it's Friday afternoon and I'm starting to feel more human.

First, my week last week was great. I spent a couple of days at a professional development retreat, the kick-off for a nine month program to aid in networking and career development. I wasn't sure what to expect, but the whole thing went well. I was more comfortable with the group of 25 than I expected to be. I've been paired with a guy and it appears we will get along fine.

After returning home from the retreat, I had a night at home before heading to Smith College for my 10 year reunion. I was somewhat skeptical about the whole thought of going and had coerced a couple of friends to join me. I ended up having an excellent time. I had forgotten how beautiful the campus and region are. It was also special having a weekend to hangout and spend with friends. However, I was feeling ready to come home. After 10 years, I am no longer suited to dorm life, even life in nice house dorms.

This week, it feels as if things have begun to fall apart. K's job situation is coming to a head and she was to have been informed of her new placement by today. However, she's been out of the office on Thursday and Friday, since her rage has taken over. When she's not sucked into the rage, then she realizes that this may be a great opportunity to try something new. In the meantime, it's pretty stressful.

I have been walking around with a feeling of dread due to K's job situation. I have fears that she'll be out of work and we won't be able to cover our expenses. I am concerned that she'll become ill enough, as a result of these changes, that she won't be able to work. Every worst case possibility flits through my brain creating these dark, gloomy hallucinations to haunt any free moment. The knots in my stomach also are growing tighter as we continue down this path.

Part of the time, I am angry. Why is this happening? Why can't we be happy and stable and normal? I ready for all this to subside. K's rage and anger make it difficult for the two of us to communicate. Even knowing that is isn't directed at me, I still tend to react on a personal level. However, I expect her to be able to take her situation at work professionally and not put it at the personal level. Probably inconsistent of me, but that's what I would like her to be able to do.

I'm hoping that the weekend will bring some relief to us both. Once K reaches a state of acceptance regarding the job, it will make everything else much easier.


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