synergy

Tensions

Perhaps, I should find something better to do with my time at 10 pm on a Saturday night, but at the moment, my activity is writing this entry. K and I have had a busy and tiring week, and are taking some time this weekend to try and recover.

Last weekend, we babysat the 5.5 month old niece for three days. It went very well, other than that she screamed each time we tried to feed her. But she did sleep 8-10 hours each night. Still, we were exhausted from the additional responsibilities. It wasn't a great feeling to start off on Monday morning feeling worn out. K had her cardiac stress test on Monday and did very well, except for the drop in blood pressure and panic attack from the test.

What proved to be the challenge for the week was K's reaction to my job. In my new job, I have access to the top people in a 13,000 person organization. I work for one of the top executives as a special assistant. K's jealous. She's not interested in doing the job or anything, but she feels diminished by my new position.

I went to her therapist with her today to discuss the issue. We had a blowout on it Wednesday night, where K got very angry with me or with herself. In any case, the results weren't good and K ended up missing work on Thursday as a result. K admitted that she is struggling with my new position. She's proud of me, but my success brings up her feelings of inadequacy. We moved towards resolving them.

K admitted that she doesn't want my job. She wouldn't like it nor does it play to her strengths. I have to say that the job has me very edgy as well. It's high-profile and if I screw up it will not go unnoticed. One example is this upcoming week will be especially bad, as we are doing a giant exercise. It's an exercise that we should have been prepared to do and are not. I've spent the past week trying to prepare what should have been done incrementally over a period of months. Not a good situation. Unfortunately, I have also gotten a key role in the exercise, which I shouldn't have. But I'll survive.

We talked through it with the therapist and K and I felt better afterwards. K is working on seeing that even when I am successful, my success doesn't diminish her or cut her out of my life. That's not what I want. She is not a second-class citizen, which is how she feels. We've gotten through so much together and we will continue to do so.

posted by synergy @ 8:47 PM