synergy

Exhausting, Crazy Week

Things have been good, but crazy. K's doing great. We saw the psychiatrist today and he was very pleased. In fact, he used words like "wonderful" and "amazing". K was commenting on how suddenly she feels able to do all these things that she wasn't able to do previously. Things like ride the bus without fear or anxiety, work out with a personal trainer, and spend time with friends. He said that what happened is that the hard work that she has put in over the past couple of years is finally paying off.

What he said (which sounds a bit odd) is that the brain cells had to be retrained after her illness in order to do these things. He said that the cells are complex and take a very long time to retrain. But that K's managed to do it.

What he emphasized this visit and had not previously emphasized was that bipolar is a cyclical disease. K's doing very well now, but she still may be hit with a bad cycle again at some point. This is a bit different than things he's told us previously. Before he said that the heart attack and K's extended untreated depression afterwards were the triggers for her bipolar disorder back in 2003. Now, he seems to be saying regardless of how well she's doing, the bipolar still may come back around to bite her in the ass. He did say that it may not happen or that the next episode may be very mild compared to the last bout. Either way though, we don't want to hear it. We want to hear that it was an exceptional event, which will never occur again. Perhaps that is wishful thinking. I guess it is wishful thinking. However, neither of us is planning on worrying excessively. Instead, we'll assume that she will be well enough to handle whatever comes along.

I finally started a new job this past Monday. It is in my same organization and only a 4 month assignment. But I have significantly more power and it will be a great developmental opportunity. I'm hoping that I can use it to spring to another job somewhere else. Not an unreasonable hope.

The thing is that my new job is very high-profile and political. I already have been warned about a number of people in the organization and know that there are others who won't cooperate with me. I have been stressed and anxious this week, but I'm hoping it goes well. I keep worrying that I will be shipped back to my old job. I'm more enthusiastic about my new position than I was initially, but in many ways it remains the lesser of two evils. However, it will be a great line on my resume.

The other thing is about the new job, K's a bit envious. One reason is due to the nature of the job that it is prestigious and high-profile. Second reason that there is a problem is that I am working for the guy, who put her through hell with her reorg last summer. She remains very bitter and doesn't want me to like the guy. It's awkward when you work for someone not to like them in the least. The thing is that I do like the guy, I'm just not sure that he should be leading a 4500 person organization. But he's being replaced in a couple of weeks with someone else. That's part of the problem, no one in the organization knows their roles and everyone, including me, is jostling for positions and power. I've already begun working a couple of contacts to try and get in a good word for me with the new guy.

Moving on from organizational politics. . . More exciting to K, the infant niece has shown up for the weekend. She arrived last night wailing after a long day in the car. Today we took her to the psychiatrist with us and went to breakfast afterwards. Now, she and K are both upstairs taking much needed naps.

Even a few months ago, it would have been difficult for me to contemplate changing my job due to the effect that it would have on K. It's a sign of progress that she's been able to adapt and not freak out about the impact it is having on her routine. Rather, she's excited that I will no longer be using the car every day and will limit the impact it has on the environment.

Things are going really well and I am trying to take the time to enjoy them and acknowledge how hard we have struggled to achieve this state.

posted by synergy @ 1:31 PM