synergy

Sunday Afternoon

I feel as if I have been neglecting this blog. Actually, there's no question about it. I have been neglecting this blog. But it seems as if out life has picked up its pace and we are busy doing other fun things. However, I am taking the time to post this afternoon.

It's raining outside. Spring has been beautiful. Normally we go from 50 to 90 digress within a few days. But all of April and May have been wonderful. The temperature is in the 60's or 70's, no humidity, and long beautiful days. I have not taken advantage of the weather as I should, but I am appreciating it. I just paid all the bills. I have no idea how we manage to spend so much money keeping a household running. When I first moved out into my own apartment back in 1997, I had $1300 a month after taxes to pay everything. Now, with well over five times that amount of money available every month, it still seems as if we spend it all. Fortunately, the retirement and savings amounts are all pulled prior to the money hitting our bank account. But I am needlessly griping. It's due to extravagance like going out to dinner three times in the past week that we spend so much. Lately, we have been very good about cooking at home, but the past few days we were either with other people or out and about.

That brings me to my best news. K is doing wonderfully. It struck me the other day that she is much more comfortable with herself. The constant self-hatred that she had battled ever since we met and long before I knew her has gone. It's replaced with a feeling of confidence. She's not always happy with everything that she does. For example, she's not happy about her weight. But she feels able to change it and doesn't have deep self-hatred about it. Part of it is working with the personal trainer has made her realize that she can change her body and she is physically capable of doing things. But the change really stems from the work that she has done with her therapist over the past three years.

I told K all of this. I also told her therapist during her session yesterday. Her therapist confirmed my observations with her own. K's therapist believes that K will soon be able to only come see her when there's a problem. K's not sure that she's quite ready to be released from therapy, but they are going to once every three weeks.

I hope that I don't regret these feelings of happiness and optimism. I don't believe I will, but I do feel slightly superstitious about K's illness.

The two of us remain disgustingly happy. May 5 was the 5th anniversary of our commitment ceremony. We went to the mountains, but only stayed one night, as the pollen was so bad neither of us was able to breathe. K's still suffering this weekend. Right now, she's curled up in bed trying to feel better. I suffered throughout the weekend, but have started to feel better over the past few days.

My job search is continuing. No word from the three applications that I have submitted, but it usually takes about 8 weeks before there's a chance of hearing anything. It hasn't been eight weeks for any of them yet. However, my current organization keeps offering me alternatives. Most of them have been unappealing, but last week they finally presented one that does interest me. I am curious to see if it actually comes through. I am hoping so, because the position has a number of advantages. 1. Closer to home. 2. Developmental opportunity 3. I won't have to work for the SOB, who I worked for a few years ago and will have to work for again beginning in July. 4. Work should be more engaging. 5. I will have significantly more power in the organization in the new position, though it won't technically be a promotion. In the end, it won't be enough to make me stay, but it will be enough to keep me happy while I look for something else.

I am thoroughly sick of my current commute. I could take public transportation, but that lengthens my commute from about 75-90 minutes to about 120-150 minutes. 2.5 hours is much too long to spend commuting, though I would be able to read. The challenge of the commute is that my office is not within walking distance of the train. Once I am dropped off in the deep suburbs, I have to then catch a shuttle for the last few miles. The shuttle only comes every half-hour and takes another 10 minutes. It adds quite a bit of time on the end of an already long trip. But driving is becoming increasingly more challenging. Traffic has worsened, so it can take me 45-60 minutes to get home at night. Also, not a fun way to end a long day. Best answer, and the one that I am working towards, is to find a job in the city. I keep hoping one will soon materialize.

Yesterday, K and I had a fun day. A colleague of mine gave me tickets to see Golda's Balcony. I didn't know and still know very little about Israel during the 70's, but the play was excellent. Valerie Harper was a one-woman show playing Golda Meir. She did an excellent job and it was thought provoking. Guess I need to do some reading on my history. We attended the matinee and then headed over to another part of the city to hang out and wait for another friend to join us for dinner. It was good. K asked me on the way home, if I am still frustrated by our lack of activity. I had to laugh. It's the opposite. Instead of doing nothing, we are doing so much that the house is a mess.

After returning home, we headed out to sit on the front porch and watch the pedestrian traffic and the neighborhood. It was tranquil until the several police officers suddenly ran by us with drawn weapons. At that point, we decided we were better off in the house. We never did figure out what happened. I'll have to e-mail the Ltd. and ask. But the police helicopter spent about 30 minutes searching the alley behind our house and our backyards with their searchlight. The police entered a couple buildings across the street, but in the end no arrests were made. Usually, there is a gun shot or yelling or something before the police show up. This time, it was perfectly calm until patrol cars and officers materialized from the darkness. And we had just been talking about how the neighborhood is getting so much better. Well, it is, but there are always a few set backs.

My mental state is good. I am happy and content. I would like a new job, but that has little bearing on my general state of mind. I begin to wonder if the title caregiver even applies. My thought is that it probably does not. K doesn't need a caregiver any more. I only hope that she never will need one again. I can't decide if I am being realistic or lulled into complacency. But over the past few years, I never would have believed that we would have reached the point where we are today.

posted by synergy @ 3:02 PM