synergy

Blips

Even when things appear to be going well, blips occur.  Twice this week, K hasn't made it to the office.  Tuesday, she didn't sleep and took xanax, which kicked in at 6 am when she normally rises.  Then today, she got up and got ready for work and at the last minute said she couldn't do it.

Neither occurrence was necessarily related to bipolar disorder.  She was only exhausted, so both days she slept and then worked from home for the afternoon.  An improvement over where she was a month ago, but still not 100%.

The constant challenge, one of many as living with a person with bipolar disorder there are constant challenges, is limiting our activities or at least K's activities to prevent exhaustion.  This past weekend and during the week, we obviously weren't successful.  But it is also hard to limit.

Last night, after work, we went to the hair stylist.  We had dinner before going in, so neither of us would get too hungry.  Then we were there about an hour and 15 minutes or a bit more.  But for two cuts and one color that isn't bad.  However, not getting home until 7:30 pm killed off K.  We were both tired and grouchy by 8 pm.  The dog was none too thrilled either as we didn't want to give her too much attention.

Cutting back our activities can mean that we never manage to get anything done.  Tonight, we have a dinner party that was planned two weeks ago.  Do we cancel or risk getting too tired again?  We're going to risk it, but I get pissed about the continual limitations. 

I probably push K too much to do things with me.  I enjoy spending time with her, so I want her to be able to go shopping, walking, or to coffee with me.  Having a partner, I want to spend time with her.  Thus, I pressure her a bit and gently push her to come with me, even when I try to promise myself I won't push this time. 

But going too far can send us both into crying fits and irritation with one another.  I've been exhausted all week and suffering from stomach problems, again.  K suggested going to the doctor, but my internist won't see me for my stomach, because he wants me to got to a GI specialist.  K forgot that I had serious problems last summer and again in the winter.  (ECT rears its ugly head.)  I'm hoping it's only stress and will quickly go away.

posted by synergy @ 1:51 PM