K didn't make it to work again this morning. She missed yesterday and with the exception of one week, she's missed two days every week this month. That's not a good record. Her absences result in her having no leave and she has to take leave without pay at a time when I am very concerned about money given the cost of the final bits of the basement. But I don't know how to address any of these things with her without making her feel any worse than she already does about not being in the office.
I've been home for the past two days on vacation, as my mom is in town. I know that it is more difficult for K to go to the office if I am not going in. The biggest hurdle is that she has to take a cab rather than being chauffeured to the door. But I don't feel nor do I believe that K feels that I should have to go to the office every day just because she likes having a ride. Also, I like to sleep in occasionally and take advantage of having the house to myself, which still happens infrequently.
This morning, K's voice was tight with anger. I kept my mouth shut, as I knew that if I began to speak I wouldn't be nice. Right now, I want to curl up and cry, but I am also playing the balancing act with my mom. I don't want her to turn against K or worry about me, which makes me afraid to show any type of weakness. Thankfully, my mom leaves this evening. I had hoped that her flight would be mid-day, but it isn't until 7 pm.
I also question my own reaction. Is it fair for me to be so angry with K when she's angry with herself? I believe that she can't go to work, but I also want to shake her and say that she has to go. Now that she has this job, her brain is telling her that she doesn't want. I'm not that sympathetic. Lots of people do jobs that they don't want to do. K can always look for a new position if she feels that strongly about it.
I am wound very tightly and it's no surprise that I seem to have continual stomach problems.
posted by synergy @ 9:40 AM
1 Comments:
"I am wound very tightly and it's no surprise that I seem to have continual stomach problems."
Telling statement, that.
Thinking of Rob and I, I know that Rob would call me on the carpet if my behaviour was too .... offensive. BP is not an excuse of bad behaviour. Period. It can explain some bad choices, but if our behaviour negatively affects those around us, we have to take responsibility for it. The only loophole there is psychosis. And neither your K nor I are psychotic.
Is she still taking her medication? At a good dosage? What vents does K have for her anger other than sitting at home?
You have every right to expect emotional safety in your own house. And you have every right to state that. K is an adult, albeit one with a mental illness. And she has to realise what she is doing.
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