synergy

Update on L's medical issues and More Mental Health Trauma

Blondzila kindly reminded me that I hadn't taken the time to update any of you on my own medical concerns. A few weeks ago, I had the experience of a fiber optic cable being snaked down by throat to photograph my stomach. K stayed home to chauffeur me to and from the hospital and to take the time to pamper me after the procedure. It was actually a good experience having every wish fulfilled and getting to select the movies for once. K likes thrillers and I like comedies, so we were able to watch my choice. Though one of my selections was Closer, which proved to be a dismal selection. Any case, I am digressing.

My stomach was being snaked due to unexplained stomach pain that I have intermittently suffered from over the past 2 years. Obviously, this wasn't a daily onslaught of pain or I might have gotten off my ass to go see the GI specialist before the 2 years had passed. But K finally forced me to go.

The doctor's initial diagnoses was that I am suffering from acid reflux and have Barrett's esophgus. Well, turns out that he was mistaken. I sent him an e-mail this past week, as I had not yet heard my biopsy results. He called me later in the day and reported that everything was completely normal. Good news, except it doesn't exactly explain the pains that I have had in my stomach.

When I went for my exam in early October, he put me on Protonix to reduce the amount of stomach acid. I griped and groaned about taking a pill and made K set up my pills for me for a couple of days. But I have gotten past that and am willing to set up my own pills now. My sympathies for everyone with a heavy med regime increased greatly. I'm also taking calcium, which helps with menstrual cramps, a daily vitamin, and an allergy med. But back to the Protonix.

The doctor, reasonably, asked me if the med had been helping at all. Naturally, I wasn't able to give any sort of coherent answer, as the pain is so intermittent that it is difficult to tell if the med is helping or if I haven't had another bout. So, as a result the next steps are that I will have a CT scan done in early December (took a month to get the appointment), see the doctor a week after the scan, and continue with the Protonix for 6 months to see if I have any more pain. Personally, I think the whole thing is related to stress and will go away at some point.

Further news:

In August, I wrote about a couple of friends, who were having difficult times with depression. (I would link to the post, but I am using Safari, which makes it difficult to do that.) The male friend, R, is working on his undergraduate degree in a city about 8 hours away. His partner lives here and the two of them carry on a long distance relationship. R has suffered from depression for a long time and has fought hard against taking any sort of medication. His older brother was diagnosed as bipolar and had a drinking problem. So there is some family history of mental illness. Let me also add that we had met all of R's family, which the exception of the older brother.

Last Sunday, a mutual friend stopped by to let us know that R's brother had committed suicide two days ago. We were shocked, as the last news we had heard, R's brother had stopped drinking and was on a regime of meds to help with the bipolar. Last night, R and his partner E showed up at our front door.

R was gray. His face was drawn and lined. His entire affect was deflated. He was wearing a bandana from his brother on his left wrist and his brother's motorcycle boots. R is the type, who usually would have a feather boa thrown around his neck and rarely wears boots of any sort. We invited them in and decided to go out to dinner together. The conversation stayed on fairly light subjects until we returned home from dinner.

R was struggling to make sense of his brother's behavior. He could not understand how his brother could kill himself and leave his 15 year old son without a father. There was guilt that he hadn't been there for his brother and that maybe this could have been prevented. (Let me add that R's brother lived in an area of the country with a severely depressed economy, heavy drinking, and little understanding or access to mental health treatments.)

K spoke very openly about her own two attempts at suicide. Both occurred years before the two of us met. The second time, she came very close to succeeding. She spoke of the unbearable pain and that her actions weren't meant to hurt anyone else. Rather, she acted to try and stop the hurt. I tried to explain how K's thinking had become distorted, when she was in the depths of her illness, and she felt that the best thing she could do was to leave me and free me from my commitment to her. She wanted me to go away, so I would hurt less and she would be free to do as she wished.

We spoke of the meds and the difficulties in finding the right combination. Turns out that R's brother had stopped taking his bipolar meds due to the hallucinations that they gave him. He was also using xanax heavily and stopped using it cold turkey. Additionally, he began to drink again. He had been drinking for several weeks at the time of his suicide.

I don't know if our words helped R. I haven't seen him today. I can only hope that we were able to offer some perspective and insight as to his brother's motivations at the time of his death. I also hope that R begins to seriously address his own depression and realize that he doesn't have to live in pain. And I hope R is able to stop hurting.

posted by synergy @ 4:29 PM