synergy

Not Writing (Though apparently making up for it tonight)

It's fairly obvious that I haven't been writing lately. No particular explanation other than I have not had the urge to do so. Somehow, I have felt unsettled recently, though not necessarily by any particular event. In fact, things are good and fairly low key.

First and foremost, K is doing well. No unexpected bumps or blips or any other pimple type description to apply to her mood swings. Rather she has been stable and happy for the past week or so. Furthermore, she's getting up every day and going to the office, even after difficult nights.

I'm a bit off balance. Even at work, I'm getting what I need to do done, but it feels as if I am in a slump. We're still reorging, as we have been since the beginning of the year. There's been a power struggle regarding where I'll be placed in the organization. There's a power struggle over who will have the functions and the resources, unfortunately, my senior manager has not been doing so well. She has a tendency to take the high road, while her two male counterparts play dirty. We'll see how it all plays out. Things change every day with the reorg.

Strangely enough, someone I met a few months ago, and I was impressed by him was arrested for unethical conduct. I was thinking about how I could use him to get to a job I want. Disturbing that my perception of him could be so wrong. I know that he's innocent until proven guilty, but when the FBI show up at your door step, well. . . there's something in the complaint at that point. A number of my colleagues were also impressed by him, so I certainly wasn't alone, but still . . . . It is somewhat disconcerting.

I've been thinking a lot as my trip to Germany approaches. I realized today that my frustrations regarding my own language ability are probably what drove me away from continuing to live in Germany and even continuing to use my German. I am basically tone deaf when it comes to language. I read, write, and speak German, but I have to learn through rote memorization. I don't have this innate language ability that many of my friends possess. I suppose my attitude should be one of pride and accomplishment that I've managed to come as far as I have with German, but I realize that my frustration and self-doubt drove me away. I fear that if I don't return now that it will be become too big a hurdle for me to cross.

Also, the trip will dredge up memories of a younger L, who never believed that she would settle down and find a life-time companion. It didn't bother me. I thought that I would continue to travel and find some exciting career. Instead, well, I'm settled. My career is going very well, but exciting. That might be a stretch. Though, if things work out, I would like to go and work on hurricane work for a few weeks. We'll see how the timing falls out.

All in all a number of things are floating in the L brain. Not sure where it will all lead or if it is even just a product of PMS. I'll settle down.

By the way, anyone else pissed that the New York Times has started to charge in order to read the opinion columnists?

posted by synergy @ 7:37 PM