Mixed Weekend

Not sure what to say about the weekend. Friday night was bad on my part. I lost my temper, something which occurs infrequently. I don't know if it was PMS or exhaustion, all of the above, but whatever. . . . The stress got me and K's mild comments jarred every nerve in my body.

Then Saturday, we went to see a friend, who had been unexpectedly diagnosed with lung cancer. Non-smoker, non-drinker, great shape, doesn't even swear, absolutely the last person you would expect to have cancer. From the diagnoses to the surgery was less than two weeks. He was recovering from the surgery, so we paid a hospital visit. The visit didn't feel exhausting, but it was painful going into the hospital and reliving our own memories of being the patient and patient's family. By the time we made it home, we were both drained.

Even now, it feels as if the slightest action, emotion, conflict has the power to suck all energy away from us and render us shells, which need new life force. This description may be melodramatic, but it fits my mood.

K's therapist warned us that visiting the hospital could have an effect on us. We were already exhausted prior to arriving, so we started our hospital visit with lunch. I hate hospital cafeterias. I refuse to eat at the one where K goes. I walked through and am repulsed by the options. I also find it disturbing that the longest lines are at the fried food counter. This one wasn't the worst, but I definitely have eaten at better cafeterias.

Ultimately, we did a lot this weekend around the house. But it feels as if we accomplished very little. We kept tab on how much we did just to know that we managed to do so much, but it felt as if we were unproductive. Irritating. If I want to feel non-productive, I won't do anything.

This week will also be disruptive. Work is busy for me. And we have electricians coming in to work on the house and "heavy up" the electric. I'm just hoping it means I can have the air conditioning running and be able to iron without having to go to the basement and flip the circuit breaker back on. Yes, I have limited goals. $2000 to not have to go to the basement, is it worth it? Actually, what's worth it is the possibility of getting central air once the house is heavied up.


At 8:06 PM, Blogger blondzila said...

Hi - just wanted to say it's interesting, as a woman with BP myself, hearing the internal voice of a partner of someone with BP. I know it's got to be incredibly difficult sometimes, and it's not a glamourous position to be in by any stretch of the imagination. Thank you for your insight. If you don't mind, I'm going to pop in and see how things are with you two from time to time.


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