synergy

Rough Patch

K's and I are going through a rough patch. Not with our relationship, but with K's job. The office is going through a reorganization and the latest org chart, though not yet released, does not have K's position on it. This does not mean that she'll lose her job, rather she'll be placed in the dunce division, where those people are placed, who no longer have a specific job.

K lacks confidence when it comes to her abilities at work. She's very capable and does an excellent job, but she is insecure. Being written out of a position strikes at the heart of her insecurities.

I'm not helping her much, as this whole thing is freaking me out as well. Instead of coming home and being supportive yesterday evening, I came home and cried in her arms for an hour. It feels like too much. She was holding together really well through the chaos of reorganization, until the news came that they appear to have eliminated her position.

Of course, this version of the organization has not been made public. We're thinking about trying to fight it. When she was ill for so long, we've heard that there was pressure to force her into a medical retirement. Naturally, the thought occurs to us if this is her management's way of getting rid of her given her history of illness. All the "what ifs" keep swirling around.

What frightens me the most is that K is shutting down. Today is our day off and instead of getting up to do things or even to go out to breakfast, she's laying in bed and speaking of "going away". I'm very concerned that despite the reassurances that she's doing well, the job situation may be enough to throw her back into a bipolar episode.

The thoughts also come to me that we've survived so much, how can the job shatter us when the illness didn't? I don't know if the job thing will shatter us, I doubt it. However, it certainly has the ability to wound us.

At work, I have a daily calendar with New Yorker cartoons. Yesterday's was a man counseling his six year old son that "When life hands you a lemon, go find a lawyer." It may soon be time to take that advice.

posted by synergy @ 9:57 AM