synergy

Past week

Things have been busy, good, bad, and stressful over the past week. K went through what we believe we PMS last week. It was hell.

Rarely does her pain force her to lash out at me. Normally, things are kept under control, and it is turned inwards towards herself, the hate, rage, anger, self-loathing, criticism, etc. Last week, she decided to share and turn against me.

The basement work is to commence on Monday. Meanwhile, the contractors have been coming over in the evening to test dig, discuss plans, look at whether the house requires underpinning or other expensive support structure as we dig deeper down. It was stressful due to the uncertainty, expense, and strangers knocking at the door every night after work. We would get inside and within moments the doorbell would ring. Schedule was shot to hell.

By Wednesday, K wasn't doing too well. She stayed home Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, unable to function. A couple of those nights, she woke me up at 3 am making vile accusations as to my desire to undermine her, pushing her beyond her limits, wanting to see her die. Imagine being woken by the person you love most and facing these types of accusations. The episodes were verging on psychotic. Then, I would be able to break through and reach the real K, who would apologize.

My mother's visit constituted an additional stress on this entire week. She arrived Thursday and stayed until yesterday afternoon. K was extremely angry about the visit, though it did go well. K enjoyed seeing my mom.

K's behavior frightened and worried me, and angered me. I was pissed to be treated this way. How can I continue to trust someone, when there are times when trust and intimate knowledge will be used against me? My only response is to believe that these episodes won't occur frequently.

Friday, K had an appointment with Dr. X. He's been doubtful of PMS and it's influence before or so it's seemed, but this time he responded seriously. He prescribed 12.5 mg Paxil CR for her to take during PMS. She should start when the first symptom appears and stop when it's over. Apparently studies have shown that it offers relief for PMS symptoms.

K's sleeping is improving again and she's at work today. Yesterday we had the day off. The visit with my mother went well and only stressed K out somewhat not as badly as it could have been.

Next big stress is cleaning out the basement by Monday in preparation for the Big Dig. Contractors have offered to help out, but we have to do most of it. My only hope is it won't be too messy, since they are taking out damp earth. I'm also hoping that no underpinning is required on the house. It's looking pretty good thus far, but a few more test holes need to be dug.

I keep focusing on improvements, but last week was a challenge. I feel fine again now, but I fear repeats and don't know what to do. K and I did compromise. She didn't want to return to Dr. X until 2 months have passed. I asked her to make an appointment in a month with the intention of canceling it, if it proves to be unnecessary. We both like seeing Dr. X, but seeing him less frequently reassures her that she's getting better. She is, but the lapses are hell on us both.

posted by synergy @ 12:53 PM