synergy

Feeling Better

K and I had a long talk last night after I made it home from the office. I talked about my fears, specifically that I become anxious when I am concerned about her. She pointed out to me that she shows me her emotions behind the curtain.

K is excellent at maintaining a facade, a cheerful, professional, competent facade. But it tires her. When she speaks with me, she doesn't have to maintain the effort, so I'm likely to hear the frustration, fear, and exhaustion that she hides from the others. It's those emotions that I was worried she was showing to others. She reassured me that she isn't and I need to stop worrying.

K also reassured me that this project is her strong point. She takes piles of regulations, reads them, summarizes them, summarizes what her organization is doing, and writes a report. If all goes well, she'll also implement the changes detailed in the report as part of her new job.

This whole situation of the job and the continuing work being done on the house has put us both under way too much stress. K's therapist keeps emphasizing that stress is cumulative and that it is getting to us more the long the situation continues. The basement is moving forward, which is good. And K is slowly resolving issues on her job, another sign of progress. It just takes a lot out of me.

I would like to do nothing this weekend and Saturday afternoon I have to attend a party for a professional development. I don't want to go, but I figured that I have to go for a while. I agreed to bring potato salad, so I thinking that I may go to Costco and buy it, put it in a bowl, and take it that way. I know it's cheating, but . . . . Or maybe I'll forget about potato salad and make a large pan of brownies to bring with me.

Any case, I'm feeling better, though still tired. I'm also having my period which takes a toll on me mentally and physically, my energy is lower at this time of the month. But I'm moving back towards hopeful.

posted by synergy @ 8:24 AM