synergy

Happy New Year

My writing seems to frequently address various anniversaries and today marks another one. K's heart attack and the beginning of our slide into illness and darkness began two years ago today. She woke me at 4 am New Year's Day and asked me to call an ambulance, as she was having a heart attack.

The heart attack began a cycle of illness, depression, and culminated in the hospitalizations for bipolar disorder. After reading about people's experiences with the disease, I realize that she was exceptionally fortunate and worked very hard to achieve full remission 13 months after her hospitalizations.

Today is the two year anniversary of the beginning of it all.

We're better off than we were before this all began, albeit somewhat more fragile. My psyche still feels bruised from the experiences, but I'm healing. K is less volatile and better able to manage her emotions and reactions than she was prior to the heart attack and bipolar diagnoses. Her relationship with her family has improved greatly over this time. And K's therapist has helped her work through some of her experiences, which have proved to be stumbling blocks for her. If I were forced to give a list of how to credit K's caretakers, it would be as follows.

1) Her therapist has been amazing. Even with the right drug cocktail, K needed the assistance working through her past and learning how to unburden herself of her daily guilt. The therapist has convinced K that she doesn't have to be perfect to be successful.

2) Her psychiatrist. He is excellent with the pharmacological side and with his bedside manner. When we needed him, he was there with a phone call. During K's hospitalizations, he made sure to visit or send a representative if he couldn't make it.

3) K's manager at her office. This woman protected K and allowed her to take almost an entire year off without placing undue pressure on her to return to work before she was ready. She completed the paperwork for K to continue to receive her health insurance and fought with her senior management to protect K from political infighting.

4) K's internist. Another woman, who was always available whenever she was needed. She acted as K's advocate throughout the hospitalizations and made sure she took the time for both of us. For example, I would run into her in the hospital elevator and she wouldn't give me K's status for the day.

Actually, each of these doctors made time for K and me. They freely shared information on K's status and listened to my concerns regarding K's health. Never was I cut off from information and they always welcomed my input. When we went through the worst times, I was able to use them as consultants to determine the best course of action for K. Each one of them is a role model for the medical profession.

My memories of the past two years have begun to fade. I don't want to forget what we went through. But I also don't want to remember in stark terms. Better than the pain is softened by the passing of time.

We've reached 2005 and celebrated the arrival of the New Year by attending the same party, where K had her initial symptoms two years ago. Now, I'm looking forward to a year happy, fun, and wonderful year with a healthy K.

posted by synergy @ 10:04 PM